At PBK we get alot of sponsorship applications sent in to us every week. Sifting through these to find someone who stands out is sometimes hard work. However when we receive one that is pretty much a comedy masterpiece it certainly stands out form the rest.
JOHN WILLIAMS – TRIATHLETE – COMEDIAN
I’ve been reading through ‘supposed’ tips on how to gain sponsorship, funding, backing…etc for athletes over the last couple of months in aid to get myself some help with a race I’m aiming for. Now, all the tips have told me to write formal, structured correspondence, whilst highlighting the goal and projecting a professional outlook.
I’m not going to do that. You probably have these e-mails all the time. So to stand out, I’m gonna base this on comedy and self character assassination.
Basically, I’m a ginger triathlete. Although this hasn’t alienated all my friends, it certainly hasn’t done me any favors. I spend a majority of my in lycra and rubber. Now, if I had legs carved out of rich mahogany, it would be a good look. But, as you can probably guess (the ginger bit), I’m as pale as the background of this very e-mail. Fantastic. Now, if your still reading, good job. It gets worse.
My triathlon err…career? has spanned over 5yrs. Notably the first 3 were pretty much very slow – slow. And I’m sure there are people still out on the courses waiting for me to finish. (plus point no1, I’ve never failed to finish an event) Now the last two years have been a big improvement, triathlon wise, I’m still ginger. From finishing in the final third of the field, I’m now hovering around the top 10. Including winning my first trophy in my last event. It’s pure gold, apparently they melted two of Mr.T not-so-needed bling to create this very trophy. Yep, that’s right. 3rd Senior Male. Imagine Gwyneth Paltrow at the
Oscars for my acceptance speech. Epic fail.
Still reading? Nice!
Now, I did complete a Half Ironman distance last year, and am planning on racing the same event this year to see how much I have hopefully improved (5th of Sept 09). I will not win a trophy in this event. Although I will glue the aforementioned trophy to the front of my wetsuit, bike and running hat in homage to my past glory.
You’ve probably stopped reading.
Some bullet points about my interests;
I enjoy a crisp apple
I don’t tan that well
I have a ginger beard
I once ate 24 doughnuts without licking my lips
I’m a big fan of Celine Dion’s old stylee teeth
And I feel that Rob Schnider is one of the most underrated actors of all time
Now, the *good part. (I did put *juicy in there, but changed it to good. ‘Juicy’ made me heave)
The race I’m doing is The Yak Attack. http://www.yak-attack.co.uk/ It’s a good ‘un. Never done it before, and as far as I’m aware, I’m the first ever Welshman with a ginger beard and a triathlon trophy to attempt it. It’s not going to be easy…it’s been dubbed ‘one of the hardest races in the world’. Fantastic. A brief of what I will attempt to endure…. 420km over 10 days with over 8000m of climbing – peaking at an awe inspiring 5416m. With the altitude of the event in mind, (serious bit) 5,416ft, I have e-mailed the conditioning coach of the Welsh Rugby Union (WRU) and British and Irish Lions for some information on altitude training, problems and other relevant factors and to my surprise, he has agreed for me to go to the WRU Indoor Training Barn to meet him in person and have a good natter about all things mountainous and oxygen depleted.
So far, I have a 4 season sleeping bag and some of the clothing needed. I’ve paid for the deposit and am looking to find a lightweight Mtb to ride/carry for the event. Now, the aim of the e-mail is to reach out to your kindness, warmth, selfnesslessnessism, generosity, free stuff, money and backing. Could be anything from a bike, small donation, small pieces of equipment or even a ‘good luck e-mail’ will do. Nothing abusive. I already get enough of this.
I’m ginger, wear lycra and rubber and enjoys apples – I’m a walking bully magnet. In return, I will keep a blog on the net, drum up local newspaper support (I have a friend in ‘high places’ that I can blackma…err, contact about getting a couple of articles) and generally plug your product with every living breath (if you get me?).
So, if you feel the need to send me anything, or want to ask any questions…fell free to e-mail me. I’ll even put my phone number down incase you type like my father. One finger stylee. Which will take you a while.
Looking forward to hearing from you hombres,