Was watching your man on the tele box last night doing his Antarctic walk, crawl, fall, ski, camp…etc and thought to myself;’He seems like a bit of an idiot’. (Not the offensive one, idiot as in mental, crazy or bonkers – I coined that phrase waaaay before Dizzee, Dizzy, Dizee….Daisy Rascal)
So, I would cordially like to invite Ben Fogle/James Cracknell to join me in Nepal in March for a bike ride so that he can look after me, and make sure I don’t do anything stupid like fall off a mountain, ride a Yak, get lost in the Annapurna’s (I’ll check where that is and get back to you soon*) or become involved in witch craft due to my rare blend of pale skin, a rich mahogany beard (that’s right, ginger) and the ability to look terribly offensive in lycra or rubber. There are witches in Nepal right? If not, forget the above statement.
Anyway, formalities. I’ve entered a race called the Yak Attack – Showdown in the Annapurnas. It’s a mountain bike race which involves tight clothing, padded rears and lots of climbing, near 420km of riding and 8,000m of climbing with temperatures ranging from er…warm to cold, then back to warm again. The event starts on the 8th of March and finishes on March 20th. So that’s 13 days. In 2010.
Now, before Ben/James says ‘YES!! I would love to join John in his lycra in Nepal’, I would like to describe myself in a paragraph or so.
My name is John Williams. I’m 26. Welsh, not from North Wales where no-one understands what they say, but South. A place called Ammanford if you want to google it. And have a 32″ inside leg.
I’m from a rugby background (hardly surprising I’m Welsh) and recently, over the last 3yrs become a triathlete. I have completed races from sprint (400m swim, 25km cycle and 5k run) to Olympic (1.5km swim….then double the previous distances…ish) and more recently, a Half Ironman (1.9km swim, 85km cycle and a 21km run).
I’m not vegetarian, my favorite color is red…no blue, I enjoy a good apple, I have two dogs and a girlfriend (should that be the other way round?)…I have a girlfriend and two dogs (not sure) and grew a beard to annoy my girlfriend but no the two dogs. I also ate 12 doughnuts without licking my lips a few years ago – a lot harder than it sounds.
Righto, I think that’s enough about me. So, if Ben/James (I haven’t put Ben down first due to favoritism, it’s alphabetical) would like to join me on my trip, ‘Holla back ya’ll’.
Yours sincerely (with deepest regrets about mentioning ‘The ginger beard’), John B Williams I have included a picture of myself so you can see what I….(obviously) look like. This could be make or break in the deal to get Ben/James onboard.
*The Annapurna’s are in the attached photo; (according to wikipedia – which everyone knows can be wrong…I once edited a paragraph about a friend of mine who plays rugby professionally to include “Emyr Lewis is a professional rugby player who currently plays for Neath RFC. He has exceptionally big ears and has a gap in his two front teeth and often struggles to say the letter ‘R’ to the amusement to his ‘wugby fwiends’” I’ve highlighted the part I edited incase you couldn’t decide which part was fibs (lies).
THE REPLIES I HAD;
From Ben Fogle’s people.
Thanks so much. I have forwarded your email onto Ben.x
From James Cracknell’s people.
Thanks for your email. Very amusing and one of the more original emails that we’ve had in… Afraid James isn’t taking on any more commitments at the moment though, so I’m afraid will be a ‘no’ from him.
All best wishes,
So, not a bad result. But I will still be going on my own…never mind.
That’ll do for now…