Ridiculous and outrageous hair cuts. There’s a few of them in the professional peloton and for some reason, them eastern Europeans seem to be leading the way in this particular field. Just take a look at the Astana roster for this year, a good quarter of them have a dodgy barnet.
It’s not a new thing either, through the years there’s been a few stand out riders with what can only be called “crap cuts”. I feel I’m in a position to write this blog. I myself have had a few dodgy cuts, even now I’m sporting what can only be described as a teen idol Donny Osmond! On top of that I’ve had the rats tail paired with a number one crop and a the rock “n” ride lopsided mohawk.
Let’s have a look at the best of the worst from yesteryear and the present day.
It was the pony tail and not the lack of tri-bars that hindered Fignon's 1089 tour. A quick chop would have easily saver 8 seconds.FACT!
First up its the man who lost the tour by eight seconds in 1989, one of my hero’s a certain Monsieur Laurent Fignon. Considering his nick name was “The professor” he wasn’t to bright when it came to getting his hair cut. Thin hair and then thinning even more so through his careerer didn’t help. From his early days of a cottage thatch held down with a team sweat band, to his pony tail out back and balding/receding upfront look. I’m sure that getting rid of that pony tail and accepting that the baldness was kicking in would have easily saved him the 8 seconds. A bit of an aero head like Marco Pantani wouldn’t have hindered his prospects. Natural aero dynamics!
Next up another Laurent. Mr Brochard is King of the Mullets, looking like a trailer park hic (no offence if you are a trailer park hic), then later on developing the look Jean-Claude Van damme sported in the 80’s.
This man had a long and successful pro career, riding with 5 different professional teams and not one of the managers forcing him to chop the locks.
He had the honour of wearing the world champ rainbow bands and growing up I wasn’t sure if this was down to him winning the world road race or pro mullet championship. Still not sure? Check out a film called Joe Dirt; the first time I watched this I was sure it was Brochard in his first Hollywood flick.
Brochard appeared in his first Hollywood movie as Joe Dirt's stunt double
Another good reason why helmets were made compulsory
Mario Chipollini, known as “The Lion King” only down to one reason! Check him out in his del Tongo and GB-MG team days. It’s not hair, its a mane. Thing is, this guy is so cool he could carry any thing off…. well almost! In his latter days he discovered hair gel and wasn’t scared to use it….. in abundance. I’m not going to take the mickey too much, as he could still eat me up and spit me out on a 3 speed girls bike.
Karpets by name....yeah, you knows the rest of the saying.
Lets bring it up to date. Starting with Vladamir Karpets. This guy must idolise Brochard. His hairs almost a carbon copy. There was a period in about 2007 when it wasn’t too bad, but joining Katusha in 2009 he reverted to the mullet again. Just have a look the team picture from the 09 presentation. Now he has a whispy like flick to a shorter cut. An improvement but still dodgy.
A man with all the "mod cons".
Wiggins last year was a wanna be Paul Weller, though to give him his due he had a nice close cut for the tour this year. But I bet you that that Weller cut will reappear come the 2011 team Sky presentation.
Too cool for school, and clearly too cool for the barbers.
Finally it’s the Kings of the crap cuts. Well done Astana. There must be some kind of competition amongst some of the lads in this team, that or they all visit the same butchers, sorry, I mean hair dressers. Roman Kireyev is a particular favourite and if you think I’m jesting, just have a look at the team website, it’s like a who’s who of bad hair cuts.
There’s loads more guys out there, Hausslers another one, but I won’t name too many as all of them could make my legs hurt and I don’t want to have a lynch mob after me. So instead, I’ll let you guys nominate a rogues list.
Who from the world of cycling needs to be named and shamed? Not just pros, but the guys on the café run or that 1st cat who thinks he’s oh so cool. Come on, send us your pic’s and we’ll put a lovely gallery together. Bad barnets, crap cuts and mad mullets bring em on!
